“I Can Do This!”

Cara is married with two pre-teen children. Her partner of ten years surprises her one Saturday morning by announcing he is moving out, and wants to have access to the children but will only pay $40 a month in support because “your parents can help.” A week later after the initial shock has settled Cara takes a deep breath and says to herself, “I can do this.” Six months later it is summer and she is juggling work, single parenting, finding daycare, the mortgage on a single income, and while in hindsight much is clear to her, she still does not have a complete picture of how or why it all happened. She is not sleeping well, is low energy, she worries constantly about the kids and about money. For the first time in her life, Cara is not sure if she really “can do this.”

The scenario described here, with many variations, plays itself out each and every day throughout the United States, including here in beautiful Minnesota. Everyone experiences this kind of change differently, and yet there are some guiding principles that many find helpful.

Don’t do it alone: Others, most likely including friends and family have been through this before. You can ask for advice or you can ask for support and ask them to NOT give advice. Sometimes we just need our friends and family to accompany us on our journey to be present and not talk!
Ask for help before you crash: As one young woman once said, ”Getting up from your knees is much easier than getting up after doing a face-plant into the sidewalk.”
Know when you need professional help: If you are worried about you own state of being and that worry has persisted longer than two weeks, go see a professional.
Get through change together: Look at yourself and the children and ask yourself, “How are WE doing?” If the answer bothers you, ask to see a family therapist.
Accept that you are not stupid: Trust your judgment about yourself and the state of the children because you are smart and capable even when you don’t feel smart and capable. Then, after you accept that trust of yourself, verify that trust by talking to a friend, family member or professional whose judgment you trust. That way you will grow in your confidence that “Yes, I can do this.”

At CenterLife Counseling we see people during and after experiences of significant life changes. Sometimes we see people who are preparing for imminent life changes. One of our principles is that all of those who come deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, and we do that. It’s part of empowering the person to find their own way and know their own strength. As life happens in ways that we cannot predict and would not always choose, expect to be treated with dignity and respect, both trust and verify your own judgment, and ask for help while you are still standing. Do that, and you will know that “I can do this!”

You can do this! ~ Call CenterLife Counseling today to schedule an appointment today.

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